I need to change my thinking

29 Gifts  by Cami Walker

...the dishes I decide to wash instead of leaving them for Mark.  The spare change I decide to drop in the tip jar at the coffee shop or hand to the stranger on the street.  These are all gifts.  For me, this is the fundamental shift in mindset that has resulted in a greater sense of freedom and joy.  If I wash the dishes because "I'm supposed to" or make suggestions to a client because "I have to," I am in a very different mind space when taking the action.  I actually end up feeling resentful.  When I'm approaching everything as a gift, my heart feels open and it's easier to enjoy my day, my life. 

This paragraph above, quoted directly from the book, that I read in the middle of the night last night was a good place for me to stop.  There have been times when the very last thing I want to do is finish up the dishes (shocker, I know!)  or to take the trash out or finish what I've been paid to finish.  I've often tried to find ways to change my thinking about doing these daily tasks and a million others just so I don't feel burdened by them.


I can hear a Mary Kay National Sales Director in my head when I start a whining about my to do list.  She said that when her kids were younger she was always so grateful when she came in the door and found their sports equipment and shoes piled at the front door.  It meant that everyone got home safely.    I honestly don't know how one can think that way each and every day.  If the kids shoes and sports equipment are piled at the door each day I would be talking to them about taking care of the piles and instead leave me a note saying they are home :)  Thinking about this story though does usually snap me out of my whiny mood and I find myself grateful. 


Ahh, I understand the meaning behind the story and I understand the idea behind thinking of these things as gifts.  The online community at 29Gifts.org is positively thriving.  What I don't understand is how you can change your thinking about these "everyday" things each and every day.  The book talks about giving gifts for 29 days in a row.  Of course the overall idea is to incorporate giving into your daily life forever, but still, the book says it's only for 29 days.  Is that because we only have enough patience or willpower to give for a month?

Am I doomed to fail?

In our transplant support group those of us who are not the patients are called caregivers.  Some people say caretakers and most of us are quick to point out that we prefer to be called caregivers.  I think of a caretaker as someone who tends to landscaping or is the paid house sitter.  Not to mention, I feel that we are givers not takers in this situation.  Giving is just part of the process.

Within the caregiver role I can totally see giving each day, not expecting anything in return and getting a good feeling from the act of giving.  I just have a hard time thinking about my daily activities of being a part of giving. I truly believe in Random Acts of Kindness and I practice that as often as I can, but that first paragraph really got to me. I have a hard time seeing the every day chores of the day as a giving moment.


OK, so I confess - what I really want to know is "will my husband ever take out the trash on a daily basis?  Will he ever think of it as a gift to do so?"


So as I roll this gift thing around in my brain, I know it's a good idea.  I know I love the entire concept.  I know I want it to be the best thing to ever happen to me but that's where I think the dream ends.  I want my husband to be a part of this as well so we can make this a giving home, but I doubt he will.  We cannot change others, only ourselves.  I know, I know.  I guess we'll see when he comes home in a week or so. 

I have already started my official 29 days of giving. 
It's been three days now. 

Kristin