Monday, June 10, 2013

A new start

I am nearly to the end of my current journey.  I believe I did all that I could in my marriage and now with it nearly finished, there is a beginning on the horizon.

If you haven't read the first two parts of the three part series click the following links... Unrecognizable Part 1, Part 2.

© Kristin Corlett

It came over me like a fog, penetrating every fiber of my being, but so quietly that I didn't have any idea until I was completely overcome.  My time spent with Steve, the man I took to Dialysis three times a week, the grocery store trips, the hours of laughing and telling stories... he became my closest friend.   I realized that the moment I made the decision to leave my marriage was when that fog began rolling in.  All of the spaces that I was clearing out were being filled again.  The fog was love.  When I finally realized I had fallen in love with Steve it was like I had been pushed over a cliff.  It was a total free fall.

I didn't want to end one relationship just to dive into another.  No, no no!  It went against everything I thought I wanted.  I needed time to grieve, to let go, to live alone again.  I needed my own space for the first time in 18 years.  What in the world was I going to do?

What can a person do when they have indeed found the love of their life??

I decided I needed to create a plan of action.

I have dinner with Steve most evenings, but I don't spend the night.  Some days we do spend most of the day together, but that is rare.  Personally, I need to get everything closed up - the house emptied and sold, the divorce signed and sealed and over, my own condo into a livable, working space.  I have projects that I want to do, need to do and have to do.  I am going to need to get a job at some point soon.  Even though I have fallen head over heels in love with Steve, we are creating enough space so I can breathe, grieve and spread my wings.  For awhile there I cried every day.  Divorce is emotional, even if you are the one wanting it.

Steve gets to have breathing room, too.  He's been a single man for quite awhile and having a loud, giggling woman in his life is quite the adjustment.

I am truly unrecognizable from the woman I was a year ago.  She was so sad, that I actually hate to admit that it was me.  I can't even remember how many times I found myself with my head in my hands wishing for a more love filled life.  That's really all I wanted.  I wanted to love someone and have them visibly, emotionally and physically love me back.  My dear Tom couldn't and wouldn't do that.  He could say he loved me and he didn't want me to leave but that was the end of what he could give me.  I'm so grateful I followed my heart and moved on.

Source - “The Super Kiss,” by Puerto Rican artist Daniel Irizarri Oquendo

I don't want to bore you with too much intimate information, but I can tell you that this gal is now getting kissed a lot and she's loving it!  It might be because it's a new relationship, but I don't think so.  I think that the fella she fell in love with is a kisser and the gal he fell in love with is a kisser and together they are...silly.

And we hold hands.

A lot.

We are indeed silly, giggling, loving people and we found each other in the midst of chaos.

Oh and did I mention?  Steve received his Kidney transplant April 5th.  He spent four days in the hospital and has been getting better and better and better each day.  No more dialysis.  No more, no more.  I call him my Superman.

A new start, indeed.

A new start for us both.

Have a great day!