One of the hardest things I've ever had to do was to admit that I was wrong. I get a lot of practice at that particular sport as I am not as right as I wished I was. Most of the time I can just glide over the fact that I was wrong and just change my position a bit and not actually have to admit the wrongness. If it's not a big issue then that's pretty easy to do.
Sometimes it's the really big things in life that need to be adjusted and that's probably the hardest thing to do, ever. I'm in the middle of one of those Big Things in Life and I can whole heartedly agree, it's just heartbreaking. I've felt for a long time that just a few tweaks in my marriage and I would finally be happy. How hard would it be just change that a little bit? Well, it turns out that it's much harder than I anticipated. I'm ever the optimist as I believe I can do anything, make anything happen and create the life that I want. I've been feeling more and more that my husband and I were not on the same page and a lot of the time not even reading the same book! We don't argue, we don't fight, we just seem to exist in each others space. We aren't even angry with each other. In fact I do love my husband but we are truly living as roommates and have for many years.
If it wasn't for my husband I would not have found the purpose in my life. I've been searching for the place where I fit in for over 40 years. I was beginning to believe that I truly was a lost soul, that I was never going to find the place in the world where my heart would sing and my garden would grow. If it wasn't for my husband needing a liver transplant seven years ago, I would have never found the support group. It took many years of attendance to realize that being a part of that group, in those lives, was where I was meant to be. At the same time I was finding my place with them my marriage had turned from marriage to friendship. He loves me, I love him, but...
Sunset in Barbados - Photo by Kristin Corlett
My husband and I vacation really well together. We seriously do. We usually agree on what to do, where to go eat, how much to rest, how much to sightsee and we have a really great time. Our last vacation together was just last week. We spent a whole week on the Island of Barbados. His parents invited us to come visit and so we did. I would suggest that anyone in the midst of getting a divorce consider renting a beachside cottage and spend a week there. We had tons of alone time, no work, no cell phones, no internet. We talked for hours. We discussed, we bargained, we held hands and we cried. We left the island with some souvenirs, sand flea bites and the realization that we were doing the right thing for both of us and we had a plan.
To be fair, my husband since the very mention of it, does not want the divorce. He's very happy with me as his wife and has never thought of living his life without me. This divorce is all me. I'm the one who isn't happy and I'm the one who wants it. What we came away from in Barbados was that he finally sees my side and accepts that I want the divorce. We discussed finances, furniture, who gets what, what to keep, what to sell and where we will live. We decided to sell our condo. We also discussed how we would live with each other in our lives after the divorce. We don't have children together nor do we have any animals that we need to share, so we could go off into the sunset and never speak again, but he's too much a part of my life for that. I'm sure we'll see how it goes in the future, but I expect we will be good friends.
I wasn't sure I wanted to make this public until we signed the papers, but he announced on facebook the other day about our upcoming divorce, so the cat is out of the bag. It's been made public. It looks like he will live part time in Michigan and part time in Florida. I will live full time in Florida.
The word of the year for me is Intention. I intend to make this the happiest, most agreeable divorce that has ever been filed. So far my year of Intention has been working very well for me. Here's to a successful future for all of us.
Have a great day,
FYI - I realize I sound pretty happy-go-lucky about the whole thing. I lightened the mood for blogging and didn't get into problems and issues. There's no need to put any of that into print.