Saturday, December 12, 2009

Aus-tra-lia

My husband sent this to me yesterday morning - I laughed so hard I could hardly stand it. I have no idea if any of this is indeed true, but it sure was funny.


(According to the email) These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor.

__________________________________________________

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A : We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

__________________________________________________


Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A : Depends how much you've been drinking.

__________________________________________________


Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A : Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

________________________________________________


Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? (UK)
A : What did your last slave die of?

__________________________________________________


Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
..... oh, forget it Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

__________________________________________________


Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA)
A : Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

_________________________________________________


Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A : Why? Just use your fingers like we do...

__________________________________________________


Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A : Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

__________________________________________________


Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? (UK)
A : You are a British politician, right?

_________________________________________________


Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A : No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

_________________________________________________


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A : Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

__________________________________________________


Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A : It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

__________________________________________________


Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A : Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

__________________________________________________


Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A : Yes, gay night clubs.

__________________________________________________


Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A : Only at Christmas.

__________________________________________________


Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A : Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.



I hope you enjoyed!
Kristin

8 comments:

blueviolet said...

Are you kidding me? People never cease to amaze me. LOL!!!

denise said...

this is absolutely HILARIOUS!!! i love it! australia is the country i'd most love to visit...waiting for our children to get a little older to appreciate such an expensive journey...sea loves the wiggles and she got 3 holiday cards in our xmas card swap from there so we are learning more about life there...this makes me love the people there even more! (yes, i did just generalize that all people who live in australia are as witty as the one replying to these questions!)

Nancy Campbell said...

I see a tourism employee sitting in his cubicle with a wicked grin...Love it!

Just Breathe said...

That is really funny, I can't believe the questions! Duh!!!

Loria said...

too funny. i love the come naked answers and the one where they say milk is illegal. LOL

Keetha Broyles said...

Shoot - - - I was hoping they celebrated Christmas year around, naked.

jennifer said...

HAHAHAHAHA! These were wonderful!

Leigh of Bloggeritaville said...

HAHAHAHA!